Hell in a one-wheeled handcart
This is a guest post by Colleen
OK, here’s all you need to know.
Point number one. I’m black. I was born black. My mom was black, my dad was black. Black. Got that?
Next. I’ve only been with a guy once. The details ain’t your business, but let’s just say it wasn’t really a happy happening. But you know what? I got pregnant. And now I’ve got a kid. My boy Kieran, 10 years old, the most important thing in my life. Black, single mom. You keeping up?
A few years later, I met Shawna. And she’s given me more love than I ever dreamed of. And she loves Kieran too, and he loves her right back. You can’t handle that = your problem. Black, single mom, lesbian. You still with me?
There’s only one other thing you need to know. But this one really gets you sickos excited. 3 years ago, I was in a car crash. The worst thing that ever happened to me. I was in hospital for a month, and they amputated my left leg. And I’ll tell you something extra for free: I swear I would have died, without Kieran and Shawna’s love. So yeah. Now I’ve only got one leg. Whoopie doo, huh?
And here’s the thing. Ever since that time, all I’ve heard is “black one-legged lesbian single parent this” and “black one-legged lesbian single parent that”.
Well I’m here, and I’m asking. Just what in hell do you people want with me? Because I’m tired of the white bipedal asshole community making out that somehow I’m what’s wrong with this damn country.
17 Comments:
If only she was a Muslim, that'd be the full set.
It's not *you* that is the problem. The problem is the hugely expensive, meddlesome army of diversity, outreach, caring twits who make such a fuss about blacks/lesbians/amputees (delete or not accordingly).
Of course, I write as a member of the "white bipedal asshole community", as you so charmingly put it, so I suppose that damns me in your eyes right from the start. I dunno', this prejudice is so, er, prejudicial, and I never hear from *my* outreach social worker!
I write as a member of the "white bipedal asshole community", as you so charmingly put it, so I suppose that damns me in your eyes
Only the "asshole" bit, asshole.
Spare a thought for the 'black, one eyed lesbian saxophone players'. Nobody seems to mention those guys any more........
No, Colleen, I *am* white, I *am* bipedal and I might, or might not, be an "asshole" - ask Larry for an entirely neutral decision! However, your comment begs the question as to what *I* would be called by the impeccably liberal readers of this site were I ever to refer to 'black, unipedal, lesbian assholes'? Larry, for example, might choke on his equations!
It's certainly not for me to tell you how to live your life but as you are *lucky* enough to enjoy the love of two people, which is two more than a lot of people ever have, I would suggest you shrug the chips off both your shoulders, chill out and stop insulting people who are not attacking you but attacking those who hawk their consciences around on the backs of people like you.
Oh you *am* an asshole all right. I've hung around on this website enough to know that much.
Now you all need to do is become a Trotskyist.
Well, sneakily, I rather admire your punchy style even if it is less than ladylike, and even if the punches are thrown at the wrong target. Perhaps your greatest disability is a sense of humour failure but with a bit of luck it might return.
Perhaps your greatest disability is a sense of humour failure
No, my greatest disability is only having one freaking leg. Jeez!
For the rest: I ain't Muslim, sorry. I'm certain Mr Asshole here would put me down as a Trotskyist, but I don't. I've got two good eyes. I ain't a saxophonist, but I used to play the recorder. That good enough for you?
No, I've thought about it, but no, weighing it all up, losing your sense of humour is defintiely worse than losing a leg. After all, you've still got the other one!
David Duff: "Colleen...ask Larry for an entirely neutral decision...Perhaps your greatest disability is a sense of humour failure"
Priceless.
I don't bloody well want anything from you, why do you think I do???
I'm a white male bipedal. I can also be an asshole when drunk but not in the way I think you mean Colleen.
What I want from you is to be a nice person, to empathise with others to constantly seek to better yourself and to be responsible for your actions.
Can't we hate ALL people, regardless of how many legs they've collected or lost over the years?
Does anyone remember the Gruniad competition for the 'Hated by the Daily Mail' t-shirt? Black, lesbian and single parent only gets you three points (you can have the 4th if you you get DLA for your leg). But I seem to remember the winner of the t-shirt managed a list of about 12.
"I’m tired of the white bipedal asshole community making out that somehow I’m what’s wrong with this damn country."
My South African Jewish lesbian friend seems positively mainstream in comparison - good for you!ef
"It's not the [hated group] I have a problem with, it's the [conspiracy theory involving hated group] that is the problem. [insert optional ream of self pity here]."
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