Which Wing Are You?

What with so many former left-wingers heading rightwards, and still other right-wingers now describing themselves as “left”, it seems an open question whether these terms even have any meaning in modern Britain. Various people have been struggling to make sense of this issue recently. So in order to help, I’ve put together 15 easy questions, for anyone interested in determining once and for all which wing they should call home:

1. Who do you hate more?
(a) Jews.
(b) Muslims.

2. Which do you hate more?
(a) Yourself.
(b) Multiculturalism.

3. Do you think the word “bogus” adds extra meaning to the term “asylum-seeker”?
(a) Yes.
(b) No.

4. Do you wish we could all just get along?
(a) Yes.
(b) No.

5. What is your opinion of Melanie Phillips?
(a) A bigoted mental-case.
(b) One of the few remaining voices of sanity.

6. Why do you hate Tony Blair?
(a) Because of his close relations to Washington.
(b) Because of his close relations to Brussels.

7. How do you view Britain’s past?
(a) A repressive puritanical nightmare of Victorian values and stifling hypocrisy. Thank God you weren’t there.
(b) A proud catalogue of glorious achievement, from Shakespeare to Dunkirk, until the moment the rot set in: when Kenneth Tynan said “fuck” on national television.

8. How do you view Britain’s future?
(a) As an egalitarian Utopia where lesbians, Muslims, and the disabled can bask together without fear in an atmosphere of mutually-assured non-judgemental respect.
(b) As a hell on earth, where armies of terrorists, hoodies, and paedophiles roam the land preying on law-abiding citizens with impunity.

9. Do you think global-warming is something we should be concerned about?
(a) Yes absolutely, it’s the most important issue of our generation.
(b) No, it’s a lie dreamt up by anti-globalisationists to force their agenda down everyone else’s throat.

10. Do you think Dhimmification is something we should be concerned about?
(a) No, it’s paranoid hateful nonsense.
(b) Yes. If we don’t tackle it now we’ll wake up one day soon in the Islamic Republic of Britain, to find our sisters and daughters wearing burqas and being stoned to death.

11. Do you make much of the fact that “Nazi” is an abbreviation of “National Socialist”?
(a) No, obviously not.
(b) Yes, obviously.

12. How do you view the 9/11 and 7/7 attacks?
(a) As heroic blows for freedom against the capitalist West.
(b) As exactly what we should expect from the Koranimals of the so-called “Religion of Peace”.

13. If you were at a demonstration and you saw someone carrying the Union Flag, what would you chant?
(a) “Burn it! Burn it! Burn it!”
(b) “There ain’t no black in the Union Jack!”

14. Have you ever used the phrase “moral equivalence”, except possibly as a joke?
(a) No.
(b) Yes.

15. What sort of hat do you wear?
(a) Beret/bandana
(b) Top/bowler




How did you do?

Mostly (a). You’re left-wing. You’re an anti-American anti-Semite in bed with radical Islam. The guilt you feel at being raised in a prosperous society has led you to rebel against it, and you now dedicate your life to bringing it to its knees. A demented idealist, you’d think nothing of slaughtering millions in the name of some non-existent greater good. You have no interests outside politics, and live for the day when the revolution comes. You vote RESPECT, and your blog of choice is Class War UK [Warning: link not pleasant or work-safe].

Mostly (b). You’re right-wing. Motivated entirely by hatred and selfish greed, you despise almost everything about contemporary Britain, especially The Guardian, the BBC, immigrants, gay-marriage, high taxes, single-mothers, the BBC, and the BBC. On the other hand, you love wars (past and present), cars, capital punishment, and the free market. Call yourself “Decent Left” if you wish, but you’re fooling no-one. You vote BNP, and your blog of choice is USS Neverdock.